I'm a transexual satanist...

...with a penchant for beastiality. See what you can do.

I've got no qualms with wanting to understand your key journalists a bit better...it can only help build valuable relationships. But it should happen naturally, over time, over lunch, over beers...relationships should evolve...they're a voyage of discovery. If I tell you all about me today, what little golden nuggets of insight can I share tomorrow...what magic dust of data do I have to sprinkle over the relationship in the future?

Seems that some, however, want to shortcut the process. Like the guys at Skywrite, for example.

Who?

Well, that's kind of the point...not many people have heard of Skywrite, including many of the hacks they'd like to speak to, apparently, which is why the Skywrite team decided to email them to clear up any confusion.

Skywrite is, the email explains, "a spangly new sister agency to Hotwire. Originally code-named Fly PR, the agency is now called Skywrite Communications and very excitingly will provide emerging technology companies with not just PR but full-service marcoms support."

Very excitingly. After a bit of spiel about its current clients, the email gets down to the nitty-gritty:

"But enough about us! As one of our favourite journalists we would love to be able to look after our relationship with you better. This is totally optional so please don’t feel pressured to reply but we were wondering if you could send us the date of your birthday (so that we can send you a little gift) and a few of your interests (eg do you like football – if so what team do you support etc?) so that we can offer you some hospitality treats!"

Hospitality treats!

"As I said please don’t feel pressured to reply but if you would be happy with us having the details we promise not to pass them onto third parties and only to use them for hospitality treats!"

Hospitality treats!

Oh, I don't know...should I be taking the piss? It's just that...as is so often the case...the motivation's right, but the execution just feels very, very wrong.

Why not just invite them all out for a few beers in a central London boozer and get to know them face-to-face? Do that a few times, make sure you're delivering some decent, usable stories and you'll soon establish all the relationships you'll need...without having to drag yourself along to a wet Wednesday evening game at The Valley...or worse.