New feature! This week's...the world's leadings...

Last week, Charles Arthur referred to us as "the Private Eye of PR blogs."

I'm taking that as a huge compliment, 'cause I love Private Eye. I especially love the fact that it only comes out once every couple of weeks, costs just £1.50 and is printed on suitably scruffy paper. The day it appears as a glossy weekly costing £3.40 (or a fiver for 'specials') is the day I stop buying it.

I love its tone and style...inspirational...its articles and cartoons. My favourite bits are the little boxouts like Colemanballs, Luvvies and Dumb Britain. A particularly favourite is "Solutions"...the boxout where Private Eye ridicules the over-complicated descriptors companies give themselves, all of which contain the meaningless word "solutions". Here are a couple of examples from the latest issue:

"Don's Garage Doors, specialists in garage door solutions" - garage doors

"Capita Learning & Development: a rapidly evolving learning business providing end to end learning solutions to the private and public sector" - training

In something of an homage to the Eye, therefore, I've decided to start a new feature called "This week's...the world's leadings..." which will highlight some of those numpties that, despite our best work, still try to create a niche so thin that they can lead it, globally.

Welcome to Issue No.1...here we go:

“Stardock is the world's leading developer of Windows enhancement utilities”…software

“Zagat Survey is the world's leading provider of consumer survey-based leisure content”…questionnaires

“Earthscan - the world's leading publisher on environmentally sustainable development”…green books

“Virkon S - the world's leading Avian Influenza (Fowl Plague) virus disinfectant”…soapy water

“Parlay Entertainment Inc. is the world's leading developer and dominant licensor of Internet bingo solutions”…two fat ladies

“DUO (“Love your legs”) - the world's leading fashion retailer of wide calf boots and narrow calf boots”…boots for both fatties and skinnies

“Storm Cat is considered the world's leading commercial sire”…big bollocked horse

“Transvestite Transformation, the world's leading transvestite, transgender and transsexual specialists, transforming men into beautiful women”…my new favourite website

You’ve really got to go and have a look at the Transvestite Transformation website…it’s simply brilliant. Check out the “Our staff” page…there’s Claudia, Bev and Julie (I can’t vouch for those being their original names…though if they’ve been through the programme I have certain trade description issues with the phrase “beautiful women”…). Bev’s biog says this:

“Bev's been with us for 3 years and will lend a helping hand and sympathetic ear to anyone.”

She’ll also sort you out with a lovely pair of knockers..!

I’m here all week…