03 May 2007

New feature! This week's...the world's leadings...

Last week, Charles Arthur referred to us as "the Private Eye of PR blogs."

I'm taking that as a huge compliment, 'cause I love Private Eye. I especially love the fact that it only comes out once every couple of weeks, costs just £1.50 and is printed on suitably scruffy paper. The day it appears as a glossy weekly costing £3.40 (or a fiver for 'specials') is the day I stop buying it.

I love its tone and style...inspirational...its articles and cartoons. My favourite bits are the little boxouts like Colemanballs, Luvvies and Dumb Britain. A particularly favourite is "Solutions"...the boxout where Private Eye ridicules the over-complicated descriptors companies give themselves, all of which contain the meaningless word "solutions". Here are a couple of examples from the latest issue:

"Don's Garage Doors, specialists in garage door solutions" - garage doors

"Capita Learning & Development: a rapidly evolving learning business providing end to end learning solutions to the private and public sector" - training

In something of an homage to the Eye, therefore, I've decided to start a new feature called "This week's...the world's leadings..." which will highlight some of those numpties that, despite our best work, still try to create a niche so thin that they can lead it, globally.

Welcome to Issue No.1...here we go:

“Stardock is the world's leading developer of Windows enhancement utilities”…software

“Zagat Survey is the world's leading provider of consumer survey-based leisure content”…questionnaires

“Earthscan - the world's leading publisher on environmentally sustainable development”…green books

“Virkon S - the world's leading Avian Influenza (Fowl Plague) virus disinfectant”…soapy water

“Parlay Entertainment Inc. is the world's leading developer and dominant licensor of Internet bingo solutions”…two fat ladies

“DUO (“Love your legs”) - the world's leading fashion retailer of wide calf boots and narrow calf boots”…boots for both fatties and skinnies

“Storm Cat is considered the world's leading commercial sire”…big bollocked horse

“Transvestite Transformation, the world's leading transvestite, transgender and transsexual specialists, transforming men into beautiful women”…my new favourite website

You’ve really got to go and have a look at the Transvestite Transformation website…it’s simply brilliant. Check out the “Our staff” page…there’s Claudia, Bev and Julie (I can’t vouch for those being their original names…though if they’ve been through the programme I have certain trade description issues with the phrase “beautiful women”…). Bev’s biog says this:

“Bev's been with us for 3 years and will lend a helping hand and sympathetic ear to anyone.”

She’ll also sort you out with a lovely pair of knockers..!

I’m here all week…


Anonymous said...

If you're the PR equivalent, can we have a bit more PR Weak bashing please? And who's going to be our industry Brillo pad?!


Anonymous said...

It's great that Private Eye makes fun of 'solutions' but I think it's a bit rich for a PR site to complain about meaningless jargon.

My guess is that at least 85% of press releases I receive use 'solutions' unnecessarily ...not to mention several other equally otiose phrases.

....the world's leading.... said...

Anon..."it's a bit rich for a PR site to complain about meaningless jargon"

You haven't been reading us for long, have you..?


Anonymous said...

>snip> ...can we have a bit more PR Weak bashing please?...>snip>

PR Weak? Would that be "PR Weak, the world's leading UK PR specific weekly magazine"?

Anonymous said...

Ha ha re. anaon 2.07! Know your facts before attempting a slag off please!!

Anonymous said...

Actually TWL, I've been reading you for some months, ever since I found myself mentioned in it (vanity of vanities). It's an excellent read and it gives me a real glimpse of what goes on in a PR agency, so I'm well aware of what you're like.

I didn't make myself very clear. What I was referring to was the fact that this site is mainly read by PR professionals who will all laugh at the 'solutions' exmaples that you provide and will solemnly send out press releases with same sort of bollocks in them.

As Anon4.45, I don't know what facts I'm meant to know, you can disagree with my opinion but I'm pretty sound on my facts.

I did guess at one thing: the percentage of press releases containing 'solutions' - I'm going to count them today and see what the percentage actually is.

Anonymous said...

TWL as PR's Private Eye...Great! Can we have lots of caption comps and cartoons please?